January 29, 2007

• Drawing Near

  

  For starters, the title is irrelevant to photo taken above.  However, the photo taken is my adorable cousin age 4.  She’s truly a gem and a bundle of exciting energy.  I actually look forward to the day where I can have my own children.  I can just imagine all the fun I would have with them.  Honestly, I’d like to have 3 girls (sounds crazy I know) but deep down I know I’d want a son too since I am the last of my generation to carry my last name.

  Now, in regards to my title, haha!  I’ve been having a rough spiritual walk for months and months in my transitional state.  For the past 4 or 5 months now I’ve been in a bind as to where I would be living but that is mostly determined upon where I land my job.  Due to unexpected situations that had risen I decided to move back home.  But during the duration of that period I’ve been away from community for an extensive amount of time.  Without a small group to support me, a church to go to regularly I’ve never felt so empty or alone in my life.  I mean I have plenty of family yes but it was pretty apparent as to who I was missing in my family.  I think I’ve grown numb or deaf to the Lord’s voice and in need to draw near.  My weary soul yearn and thirsts.  I remember a quote from CS Lewis and it goes something like this…”the very fact that we yearn for something greater is proof that we were created for heaven.”  (not an exact quote).  My life has been busy, pretty good overall most would say but I am a far cry from being a follower of the Truth.  It’s always so easy for our lens in life to be clear as a blue sky on a sunny day but when trouble steers our way or we’re in the midst of a trail our lens produces blurry depictions of the truth.  My faith falls short, my doubt and FEARS cloud my eyes from seeing the LIGHT.  In the midst, I burn with desire but something tries to hold me down as if shackles are keeping me from moving forward.  Jesus says to us…”Come and SEE”  In my fears and doubts, I’ve allowed them to cloud my mind and eyes from seeing the Lord.  It’s really amazing how easy it really is to lose focus of Jesus.  I almost feel like Peter when we was walking on water to Jesus but once he took his eyes off Jesus the story began to consume him but in the midst of the story the most awesome part is Peter cries…“Save Me” and you know what Jesus does.  I’ve often had this vision of Jesus standing over us and saying with a gruntled voice ” you of little faith” as if we are worthless.  However, I honestly DON’T think He is that way at all.  He’s like our ultimate mentor and coach in life.  I see him kneeling down and saying hey its ok keep trying and you know what well come back tomorrow and work on that some more.  Just when you think test aren’t any more after college, think again.  LIFE IS A TEST! =)

  So today I checked out Laguna Christian Center and I have to say I almost felt right at home.  Since today was only my first day it’s hard to tell if this church is the right place for me to plug into but from my impression they will be seeing me next Sunday.  I love the fact that they are a diverse community and they seem to emphasize that a lot.  It’s not a very big church which is what I want.  I like to get to know people in a small community where I don’t feel like I’m in an environment with herds of people.  The most important thing I did notice is that from the start of the service to the very end the community and church seemed to be very founded upon the WORD OF GOD.  The community is also diverse in demographics ranging from older to young, awesome.  I love the youth but I also love hanging out with the old folks too! =)  Today was one of the most refreshing days I’ve experienced in a while. 

  In addition to this long post, I might be the photographer for the Asian American Culture Center March 10th I believe.  I’ll have to follow up on that once again.  I’m also expanding and practicing my skills with taking people; I’ll be taking photos for a local band (the drummer is a friend of mine).  I can’t wait to see what I’ll be able to learn and produce. 

  Thanks for reading!

  • 6:48 am
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